{Part 2}
Monday, Nobember, 2nd I spoke to my boss and I just did not feel physically or mentally ready to go back to work. I even had the person who is taking over my position starting that day! I just couldn't go. I stayed home and took Remington to Mrs. Jana's to play with all of his friends instead of moping around with mom all day. I did not leave my bed but maybe 2 times that whole day.
Oh, and by the way, I am going to be a stay at home mom come February!! Eeek! So excited!
By Tuesday the 3rd, I was ready to see my co-workers and work family. I needed some comfort and structure back. I was really excited to see them and my patients!
Side note: I had a couple who I adore come in that day and the week previous he told me I better bring in some ultrasound pictures of that precious baby so I can see them! He in turn, asked me to see the ultrasound pictures and he was the first patient I had to tell that I miscarried. This patient is 77 years old and felt horrible. I let him know it wasn't his fault and I was going to tell him anyways!
On Tuesday, November 3rd I called Dr. Hardman's office and let them know I have not bled for over 24 hours. They said that was really good news and led to good signs. I rescheduled my appointment from Friday, November 6th to Wednesday, November 4th. As I was driving up to the hospital by myself I felt a panic attack coming. I calmed down by taking deep breaths and remember all the good that came out of this hospital. I delivered Remi here!
I go in, check in and wait. Waiting is always hard! I get called back for my 2:30 appointment and Dr. Hardman preforms another internal ultrasound. Her face turns from hope and joy to sadness. The baby and the entire miscarriage is still there. I see my dead baby for the 2nd time. Something I didn't want to do. My heart sank. I thought it was all over but it wasn't.
What do we do next? Do we move to option 3 right away? We sat there and she answered all my questions. We decieded on doing another round of Cytotec. She warned me it could hurt worse this time. I took that into consideration.
I went and got my pills refilled, paid another $17.00 and hoped this would work this time. I was so discouraged. I was ready for it to be over with so I could grieve and move on. But nope!
Take the first 4 pills at 4:00 pm, cramping starts around 7:00 pm, bad. (I've never felt a contraction but I'm sure that is what I was feeling.) 10:00 pm I take another 2 pills. Contraction type cramping lasted from 7pm to 4 am. I was waddling around the house not trying to wake anyone up. Cried more than I have in a long time. More bleeding this round. This HAS to be working I think.
I finally got to sleep around 4-5 am. Took 2 more pills and my pain medication. Got up at 8:30 to take Remington to school and came back home and took some ibuprofen and went back to sleep. Woke up around 1 pm and took my last 2 pills. At this point I was still having some contraction like cramps but not as bad as during the night.
It had to have happened! Right?!
My next appointment was on November 11th. I went in head held I and I was sure it was over! Dr. Hardman had me in the same ultrasound room I've been in. I teased and said, "Isn't there another room?" She laughed. She preformed another internal ultrasound, again her face turned from happiness to sadness. IT WAS STILL THERE!
She suggested that since we have done 2 rounds of the Cytotec and I had that much pain with the 2nd round that she said that we needed to do the D and C. So I said, OKAY.
We sat and talked about the procedure and what to expect and not expect. How long it should take and all of my post operative care. We scheduled it for Friday, November 13th. (good thing I'm not superstitious)
I felt good. I felt that it was all going to be over on Friday.
Update coming soon on how the surgery day went!
xoxo,
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