A Young Boy

On my way to bed I always go into Remington's room to check on him. This week has been rough at bed time. Not sure why but it has! Like I mean up until 12:30 am every night. 😩😩😩 
As I slowly crept into his room, not to make a sound to wake him, I just stared at him. He no longer looks like a baby. He no longer sleeps in pajamas! He's a big boy! He likes his hair buzzed, he doesn't like to wear clothes, he makes his own choices. He is becoming more and more dependent and I'm having a really hard time with that! Where did my baby go!? It seems like yesterday I brought him home and now in 6 days he will be 3! What!? How!? 

All I can say is enjoy those moments where your babies need you! Granted, he still needs me for a lot of things, okay most things, BUT he doesn't always need me and that makes me a little sad! 

Stay sweet young boy for when you grow up, you will make me the proudest mom ever! 

A nice lady told me today "strong mothers raise strong men". Thank you. I needed that today. 

Xoxo, 

My Child is Awesome!

Yesterday at MOPs our discussion revolved around contentment. Are there areas where we feel like we are living in contentment or are we flourishing? This got me thinking a lot. 

One area I feel like I'm content in is my home. We know it's not going to be our forever home so I'm okay with where we are and what we have. I'm so very grateful for everything. I really want a home where it's completely us. Where it is decorated the way we want and will want for a long time. We will be there soon! 

The area I feel like I'm flourishing in is in my new season of being a mom. I shared something with my table that I really never thought about and I just started crying. I shared on how I feel my relationship with Remington has changed. 

Before me staying home I saw him a total of 3-4 hours per day during my work week. I felt like a 'weekend' mom. I felt like I didn't really know him. Now with staying home with him I have seen a completely different child. He's so much nicer, smarter and WAY funnier than I ever knew he was! His heart is made of solid gold. He wants to love everyone, say thank you to all who help him and hug and kiss anyone he is leaving. He melts my heart everyday and I'm so appreciative of the time I get with him. 

You can still have this type of relationship with your young child even if you are working and being a mommy too. You just have to work extra extra hard at doing so. I feel like watching your time spent in different areas of your life needs to be consistent and spending the time with your child needs to be the biggest piece of your pie. I've noticed Remington's love language is quality time. He needs his mommy and daddy and his heart is happy! 

You are a great mom wether you work, stay home, travel, are in school, or having someone else raise your child due to your circumstances. 


Xoxo,

Another Negative

While trying to conceive it feels like you're at a theme park. There are some rides that are smooth and comfortable and easy to get on, then there are some that look so scary and you have an anxiety attack just waiting in line. 

The smooth ride is baby dancing. The fun part. The exciting part. The scary part is the two week wait. You know you're not supposed to worry about it or feel anxious about it but it's there, the thought of am I pregnant? Did it work this time? How can I wait a whole 14 days!? 

Then when you start to think maybe it did work this time, you start spitting. You have signs of AF showing up. You start to feel the cramps, you start getting really emotional, you feel like you're falling apart. But you think, no way! Cramping can be normal, right? Maybe it's my hormones changing quickly because there's a baby in there! I'll just take a test to make sure. Then there it is. A. Big. Fat. Negative. 

Today was that day. All the emotions of not getting pregnant come flowing back. I'm hoping, and putting it all in God's hands. I'm so tired of seeing one pink line.  
I want to see two pink lines. I want another baby. I'm so ready to see them. So, Lord, I'm ready! Trust me. I'm beyond ready for you to give me a baby! 

Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken. Psalm 55:22

Xoxo,

I take a deep breath because I know I'm about to cry...

When I think about you I smile because I know you never knew pain, you never knew harm, you were never cold, you never shed a tear. You were always warm, you were loved by so many, you made me so excited and your big brother light up with joy. We talk about you all the time. We pray that you are safe and in His arms. We pray that your great grandparents are taking such great care of you. I cry because I miss you. I cry because your brother misses you and instead of giving you kisses on your cheeks and hugging you tight he sends his kisses and his hugs up to you in Heaven. Your daddy loves you so much. Today, I would have been 30 weeks pregnant with you. Only 10 more sweet weeks until I would have been able to hold you, kiss you, name you, keep you safe, warm, loved on you, showed you off. In 10 weeks I will remember you, my darling baby. I love you so much. When people ask how many children I have I do have to take a deep breath and say I have a 2 year old and I have an angel baby. I try not to cry but I miss you so much. I love you, I love you, I love you. 


Xoxo,

16 years ago....

Rita Rae Johnson

April 30, 1936-January 11, 2000

"The Lord is My Shepherd"

The day my grandmother passed away. The day I never wanted to happen.

My grandmother, Rita a.k.a ReRe, was diagnosed with cancer when I was around the age of 8. I remember being told that she was sick but not completely understanding what was going on. She seemed fine, a little tired but fine. She was such a strong, godly woman. She handled everything with such grace.

January 11, 2000 I was picked up from school. My mom took me to Ryan's on Emma and we were picking out a dress for her funeral. We were told that her making it through the week was not likely. The lady at the checkout told my mom she had a phone call. (This was all before cell phones) I'm not sure who it was on the other line but all I know is that my mom was told that my grandmother passed away. I remember my mom screaming "I should have been there!" "Why did I leave?" We rushed to the hospital and I set out side her hospital room while my mom went in to be with her.

My mom wanted me to go to my Girl Scouts meeting that night so I agreed. I was waiting in front of the hospital for my ride and my dad comes running up. I remember jumping in his arms and sobbing. I've always been a daddy's girl and that moment was no other. He gave me a big kiss and a huge hug and said he would see me later. Mrs. Patti and Kelsey showed up and took me to Girl Scouts. I remember doing a crossword puzzle that night. I remember going into the bathroom and just crying. I was 10 years old.

ReRe's funeral was a few days later and I've never seen so many people. I remember walking in after everyone else had sat down and we walked down to the front of the room to the song "Go Rest High on the Mountain" by Vince Gill. I remember hearing my cousin, Kristin, who was pregnant with Emilee, just sobbing. I hear that in my head every time I think about the funeral. Her graveside ceremony was just beautiful.

Laying my grandmother down to rest that day was the hardest day of my life thus far. She was my person, my best friend, my everything. I spent so much time with her.

I lost her at such a young age and I try, try, try to remember everything. Some things I remember about my grandmother are:

• Her scent
• Her laugh
• Her smile
• Her red fingernails (she had them painted every week with OPI Red)
• Her curly blonde hair
• The way she would scratch my back to help me fall asleep
• She always picked us up from school
• She took us to KFC for an after school snack before tutoring
• The way she told me she loved me
• The way she would pray with me
• The way she loved God
• The way she loved everyone
• The way she held nothing in and let everything go

I keep a blue bird in my house where I can see it everyday and I keep her picture by my bed. I think about her everyday and hope I am making her proud on the way I am as a mother, wife and daughter. I love her every day and she is with me every step of the way.

I love telling people who my grandmother is and them remembering her. I love hearing stories about her and people telling me that they knew she loved her family very much.

You may be gone but you will never, ever be forgotten.

xoxo,

Sweet Potato Pound Cake

 

 

Sweet Potato Pound Cake

Ingredients:

• 3 cups all purpose flour
• 2 tsps. baking powder
• 1 tsp baking soda
• 1 tsp salt
• 1/4 tsp nutmeg (optional)
• 1/4 tsp mace (optional)
• 1/4 tsp cinnamon (optional)
• 1 cup unsalted butter (softened)
• 2 1/2 cups sweet potato (cooked mashed)
• 4 eggs
• 1 1/2 tsps. vanilla
• 1/ 1/2 cups granulated sugar
• 1/4 cup light brown sugar (packed)
• 1 cup of Chopped Pecans

(I only use cinnamon)


Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
2. Grease and dust with flour a 10'' Bundt pan.
3. Mix flour, baking powder, baking soda, nutmeg, mace, and cinnamon in a medium sized bowl.
4. In a large bowl, beat at high speed with electric mixer, unsalted butter, granulated sugar and brown sugar until light and fluffy.
5. At low speed, add sweet potatoes and eggs, one at a time until well mixed.
6. Beat flour mixture into the sweet potato mixture.
7. Add vanilla and mix.
8. Pour batter into Bundt pan.
9. Add pecans evenly on top of mix. (You can always add more before you bake if you like them a lot :) )
10. bake for approximately 55 minutes to one hour and 10 minutes or until a toothpick inserted comes out clean. Check cake at 55 minutes.
11. Remove from oven and let cool completely before removing from pan.
12. Serve hot with some ice cream or at room temperature.

Enjoy!

xoxo,

Experiencing Greif

At MOP's today, a sweet mom shared her story of experiencing grief. She shared such a personal and heartbreaking story with us and I am so grateful for that. Her message was something I needed to hear today. She also shared a write up about grief that I would like to share with others.

"I had my own notion of grief. I thought it was the sad time that followed the death of someone you love. And you had to push through it to get to the other side. But I'm learning there is no other side. There is no pushing through. But rather, there is absorption. Adjustment. Acceptance. And grief is not something you complete, but rather, you endure. Grief is not a task to finish, and move on. But an element of yourself- an alteration of your being. A new way of seeing. A new definition of self."
                                                                        -Gwen Flowers

If you have never experienced grief or the loss of a loved one this is for you. Sometimes you do not know what it feels like to go through the loss of someone close like a grandparent, parent, friend, child, unborn child, spouse, sibling. I love this and I hope this can help someone out there!


xoxo,