16 years ago....

Rita Rae Johnson

April 30, 1936-January 11, 2000

"The Lord is My Shepherd"

The day my grandmother passed away. The day I never wanted to happen.

My grandmother, Rita a.k.a ReRe, was diagnosed with cancer when I was around the age of 8. I remember being told that she was sick but not completely understanding what was going on. She seemed fine, a little tired but fine. She was such a strong, godly woman. She handled everything with such grace.

January 11, 2000 I was picked up from school. My mom took me to Ryan's on Emma and we were picking out a dress for her funeral. We were told that her making it through the week was not likely. The lady at the checkout told my mom she had a phone call. (This was all before cell phones) I'm not sure who it was on the other line but all I know is that my mom was told that my grandmother passed away. I remember my mom screaming "I should have been there!" "Why did I leave?" We rushed to the hospital and I set out side her hospital room while my mom went in to be with her.

My mom wanted me to go to my Girl Scouts meeting that night so I agreed. I was waiting in front of the hospital for my ride and my dad comes running up. I remember jumping in his arms and sobbing. I've always been a daddy's girl and that moment was no other. He gave me a big kiss and a huge hug and said he would see me later. Mrs. Patti and Kelsey showed up and took me to Girl Scouts. I remember doing a crossword puzzle that night. I remember going into the bathroom and just crying. I was 10 years old.

ReRe's funeral was a few days later and I've never seen so many people. I remember walking in after everyone else had sat down and we walked down to the front of the room to the song "Go Rest High on the Mountain" by Vince Gill. I remember hearing my cousin, Kristin, who was pregnant with Emilee, just sobbing. I hear that in my head every time I think about the funeral. Her graveside ceremony was just beautiful.

Laying my grandmother down to rest that day was the hardest day of my life thus far. She was my person, my best friend, my everything. I spent so much time with her.

I lost her at such a young age and I try, try, try to remember everything. Some things I remember about my grandmother are:

• Her scent
• Her laugh
• Her smile
• Her red fingernails (she had them painted every week with OPI Red)
• Her curly blonde hair
• The way she would scratch my back to help me fall asleep
• She always picked us up from school
• She took us to KFC for an after school snack before tutoring
• The way she told me she loved me
• The way she would pray with me
• The way she loved God
• The way she loved everyone
• The way she held nothing in and let everything go

I keep a blue bird in my house where I can see it everyday and I keep her picture by my bed. I think about her everyday and hope I am making her proud on the way I am as a mother, wife and daughter. I love her every day and she is with me every step of the way.

I love telling people who my grandmother is and them remembering her. I love hearing stories about her and people telling me that they knew she loved her family very much.

You may be gone but you will never, ever be forgotten.

xoxo,