16 years ago....

Rita Rae Johnson

April 30, 1936-January 11, 2000

"The Lord is My Shepherd"

The day my grandmother passed away. The day I never wanted to happen.

My grandmother, Rita a.k.a ReRe, was diagnosed with cancer when I was around the age of 8. I remember being told that she was sick but not completely understanding what was going on. She seemed fine, a little tired but fine. She was such a strong, godly woman. She handled everything with such grace.

January 11, 2000 I was picked up from school. My mom took me to Ryan's on Emma and we were picking out a dress for her funeral. We were told that her making it through the week was not likely. The lady at the checkout told my mom she had a phone call. (This was all before cell phones) I'm not sure who it was on the other line but all I know is that my mom was told that my grandmother passed away. I remember my mom screaming "I should have been there!" "Why did I leave?" We rushed to the hospital and I set out side her hospital room while my mom went in to be with her.

My mom wanted me to go to my Girl Scouts meeting that night so I agreed. I was waiting in front of the hospital for my ride and my dad comes running up. I remember jumping in his arms and sobbing. I've always been a daddy's girl and that moment was no other. He gave me a big kiss and a huge hug and said he would see me later. Mrs. Patti and Kelsey showed up and took me to Girl Scouts. I remember doing a crossword puzzle that night. I remember going into the bathroom and just crying. I was 10 years old.

ReRe's funeral was a few days later and I've never seen so many people. I remember walking in after everyone else had sat down and we walked down to the front of the room to the song "Go Rest High on the Mountain" by Vince Gill. I remember hearing my cousin, Kristin, who was pregnant with Emilee, just sobbing. I hear that in my head every time I think about the funeral. Her graveside ceremony was just beautiful.

Laying my grandmother down to rest that day was the hardest day of my life thus far. She was my person, my best friend, my everything. I spent so much time with her.

I lost her at such a young age and I try, try, try to remember everything. Some things I remember about my grandmother are:

• Her scent
• Her laugh
• Her smile
• Her red fingernails (she had them painted every week with OPI Red)
• Her curly blonde hair
• The way she would scratch my back to help me fall asleep
• She always picked us up from school
• She took us to KFC for an after school snack before tutoring
• The way she told me she loved me
• The way she would pray with me
• The way she loved God
• The way she loved everyone
• The way she held nothing in and let everything go

I keep a blue bird in my house where I can see it everyday and I keep her picture by my bed. I think about her everyday and hope I am making her proud on the way I am as a mother, wife and daughter. I love her every day and she is with me every step of the way.

I love telling people who my grandmother is and them remembering her. I love hearing stories about her and people telling me that they knew she loved her family very much.

You may be gone but you will never, ever be forgotten.

xoxo,

Sweet Potato Pound Cake

 

 

Sweet Potato Pound Cake

Ingredients:

• 3 cups all purpose flour
• 2 tsps. baking powder
• 1 tsp baking soda
• 1 tsp salt
• 1/4 tsp nutmeg (optional)
• 1/4 tsp mace (optional)
• 1/4 tsp cinnamon (optional)
• 1 cup unsalted butter (softened)
• 2 1/2 cups sweet potato (cooked mashed)
• 4 eggs
• 1 1/2 tsps. vanilla
• 1/ 1/2 cups granulated sugar
• 1/4 cup light brown sugar (packed)
• 1 cup of Chopped Pecans

(I only use cinnamon)


Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
2. Grease and dust with flour a 10'' Bundt pan.
3. Mix flour, baking powder, baking soda, nutmeg, mace, and cinnamon in a medium sized bowl.
4. In a large bowl, beat at high speed with electric mixer, unsalted butter, granulated sugar and brown sugar until light and fluffy.
5. At low speed, add sweet potatoes and eggs, one at a time until well mixed.
6. Beat flour mixture into the sweet potato mixture.
7. Add vanilla and mix.
8. Pour batter into Bundt pan.
9. Add pecans evenly on top of mix. (You can always add more before you bake if you like them a lot :) )
10. bake for approximately 55 minutes to one hour and 10 minutes or until a toothpick inserted comes out clean. Check cake at 55 minutes.
11. Remove from oven and let cool completely before removing from pan.
12. Serve hot with some ice cream or at room temperature.

Enjoy!

xoxo,

Experiencing Greif

At MOP's today, a sweet mom shared her story of experiencing grief. She shared such a personal and heartbreaking story with us and I am so grateful for that. Her message was something I needed to hear today. She also shared a write up about grief that I would like to share with others.

"I had my own notion of grief. I thought it was the sad time that followed the death of someone you love. And you had to push through it to get to the other side. But I'm learning there is no other side. There is no pushing through. But rather, there is absorption. Adjustment. Acceptance. And grief is not something you complete, but rather, you endure. Grief is not a task to finish, and move on. But an element of yourself- an alteration of your being. A new way of seeing. A new definition of self."
                                                                        -Gwen Flowers

If you have never experienced grief or the loss of a loved one this is for you. Sometimes you do not know what it feels like to go through the loss of someone close like a grandparent, parent, friend, child, unborn child, spouse, sibling. I love this and I hope this can help someone out there!


xoxo,

Secure in Him

S- Set you eyes on Jesus
 Matthew 14: 22-31

E- Expect the goodness of the Lord
 Psalm 103, Psalm 23

C- Cry out to Him
 Psalm 34:17

U- Understand His love for you
 Ephesians 3:17-19

R- Reject fear
 2 Timothy 1:7

E- Embrace joy
 Philippians 4:4-7

I had the privilege of listening to Melinda Bunyard, a speaker, leadership trainer, life coach and a boy mom! She spoke on getting out of your comfort zone and entrusting God in everything. 15% of our thoughts come from our conscious and 85% of our thoughts come from our unconscious. We start out rejecting the thought of doing something new and out of our comfort zone. We go on to accept it but then spitting it right back out. Finally we break through our terror barrier and embrace the change that He has set forth for us.

Although her message gave me peace of changing my career path, the best advice she gave was having a strong-willed first born child (especially a boy) does get easier!

xoxo,

You Are Not Alone

 

"You Are Not Alone"

by Michael Jackson

 

 

 

Another day has gone

I'm still all alone

How could this be

You're not here with me

You never said goodbye

Someone tell me why

Did you have to go

And leave my world so cold

 

Everyday I sit and ask myself

 How did love slip away

Something whispers in my ear and says

That you are not alone

I am here with you

Though you're far away

 I am here to stay

 

But you are not alone

I am here with you

Though we're far apart

You're always in my heart

But you are not alone

 

'Lone, 'lone

Why, 'lone

 

Just the other night

I thought I heard you cry

Asking me to come

And hold you in my arms

I can hear your prayers

Your burdens I will bear

But first I need your hand

Then forever can begin

 

Everyday I sit and ask myself

How did love slip away

Something whispers in my ear and says

That you are not alone

I am here with you

Though you're far away

I am here to stay

 

You are not alone

I am here with you

Though we're far apart

You're always in my heart

You are not alone

 

Whisper three words and I'll come runnin'

And girl you know that I'll be there

I'll be there

 

You are not alone

I am here with you

Through you're far away

I am here to stay

You are not alone

I am here with you

Though we're far apart

You're always in my heart

 

You are not alone

I am here with you

Through you're far away

I am here to stay

 

you are not alone

I am here with you

Through we're far apart

You're always in my heart

 

For you are not alone...

Not alone, ohhh

You are not alone

You are not alone

Say it again

You are not alone

You are not alone

Not alone, Not alone

If you just reach out for me girl

In the morning, in the evening

Not alone, not alone

You and me not alone

Oh together, together

Not not being alone

Not not being alone

 

 

This song struck a cord with me today. Yes, it is a love song between a man and a woman but this song reminded me of the love between a mother and child. It reminded me of a song from one friend to another. From one mom to another.  

 

 

I was talking to a friend today and she was telling me of a loved one that just suffered from miscarriage. I was sharing my story and just letting her know that her loved one is not alone. She is part of a community of moms who have miscarried. There are so may support groups out there and they have helped me so much.

 

I have found that talking to another mom who has been through the same thing I have is actually a lot easier to talk to. They just know what to say and what you need to hear.

 

I want to say thank you to my friends who have reached out and let me know I am not alone. That they are always here for me and I am always in their hearts.

 

I have found Pinterest to be a huge help to find other mommy bloggers about miscarriage.

 

 

Just the other night

I thought I heard you cry

Asking me to come

And hold you in my arms

I can hear your prayers

Your burdens I will bear

But first I need your hand

Then forever can begin

 

I love you Baby Perry, I always will.

 

 



 

xoxo,

When will you start trying again?

When will you start trying again for another baby?

Are you ready to try again?

Those two questions I hear on almost a daily basis. Usually that question would not bother me, but since my miscarriage it has.

The question just burns and it stings. While we are not preventing another pregnancy we are also not 'trying'. We are leaving it all up to Him and when He wants to bless us with another child.

Right now, I am content with Remington. I am happy. I am still learning the ropes of being a stay at home mother.

That in itself is a full time job!

Prayers and good vibes are always welcome, too.



xoxo,

Staying Home IS my JOB!

 

I used to think I NEEDED to work to be happy. I know now all I need to be happy is my family.

Being available 24/7 for my son has forever changed my life. No more stress on can I take the day off, do I have vacation time, do I need to be at work.

I know where I'm needed.

I am needed and wanted at home and I love it.

xoxo,

I did what?!

So, my mother-in-law got a new bicycle for Christmas. YAY!

What's that mean? I get to go ride with her! YAY!

I'm really excited. No, really, I am. I am excited to get out and see what my area has to offer. To see what I can do!

Yesterday we rode 8 miles in Bentonville and today we rode 5.72 miles in Fayetteville!

So excited to try out all the areas on the Northwest Arkansas Razorback Greenway!

 

Wish us luck!

 

 

xoxo,

 



My New Year Expectations

We all have that time of reflection. The time where we sit down and think about how the past year has gone for us. Did it meet our expectations? Did we reach all of our goals?

I always have the best intentions throughout the year to meet all of mine but mostly fall short. My expectations are always too high for me. Lose 40 pounds, save money, pay off this pay off that. The list goes on and on.

This is my year. This year will be different. Why? Because I set realistic expectations for myself. Expectations that are needed and will make me be the best ME I can be.

So what are they you ask?

• Make 5 workout classes per week- good news is I have 12 to choose from!
• Have at least 1 playdate per week- this SAHM needs some mommy time with other moms and little's.
• Grow closer to new friends- SAHM's need friends too!
• Meal plan every week- this will help me for my next one...also, help stay in shape?!
• Stay on budget- Going from 2 incomes to 1 overnight is going to take some time to get use to and some tight budgeting.
• Make my family my TOP priority- Learning how to say no to social activities that don't include my family and making time to spend with them. 
• Grow my relationship with Remington- really dig down deep to find out who my son really is. I have missed 2.5 years of his life working and I am determined to find out who this little human that lives in my house really is!
• Blog daily- Ya'll will know me inside and out by the end of the year. More so, I want to recap my year and remember all that I've accomplished.

I am so excited to see what 2016 has in store for me and my family.

What are your resolutions? Your expectations for 2016?

Good luck! (I know I'll need it!)


xoxo,